Mrs. Nash's Ashes by Sarah Adler

Author:Sarah Adler [Adler, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2023-05-23T00:00:00+00:00

13

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My two favorite things about the Gadsley Broccoli Festival parade are that the procession is short, so I will be able to hear the marching band playing “Tusk” behind me the entire time, and that someone has given me a silky Parade Grand Marshal sash and a flower crown with broccoli florets tucked into the arrangement.

“Look!” I call to Hollis from my place in the back of the white convertible as we wait in the staging area. I point to my head. “Do you get it?”

“No,” he says. He’s standing a few feet away on the sidewalk, his arms crossed over his chest, frown firmly in place. For a man who got laid not two hours ago, he sure looks grumpy again. It’s actually kind of impressive how dedicated he is to being a curmudgeon.

“It’s a broccoli crown!”

He shrugs as if to say so what?

“The way broccoli is harvested, you know, like the bunches. That’s called a crown. So it’s a pun.”

Hollis rolls his eyes.

“Maybe you’d have known that if you hadn’t unsubscribed from Broccoli Facts,” I say just as the car dealership owner driving the convertible turns the key in the ignition. That at least tugs at the corners of Hollis’s lips.

No doubt he’s remembering this morning. After he brought me to orgasm with his mouth, he told me not to worry about him even though it was obvious he was hard. So when he began turning the paintings above the bed back around, I grabbed for my phone and texted him that California is the United States’s primary producer of broccoli. He read the text and got the stormiest, sexiest look on his face.

“No. No more broccoli facts. No more.”

“Had a feeling you might say that,” I said. And then I hit send on a draft I prepared just for this moment:

The heaviest broccoli on record was grown in 1993. It was 35 lbs.

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